Fifteen years ago I went to Al-Anon. Lonely, depressed, scared and confused, I didn't think I had any reason to live. I was only 24. When I left my first meeting, I sat in the car I borrowed from my parents, and cried like a baby.

I cried because I felt as though I had betrayed my family by attending Al-Anon and sharing my family secret with strangers. I also cried because I felt there was a tremendous sense of relief - there was a reason why I felt the way I did, and I wasn't alone.

It was months before I found the courage to attend another meeting. After that, I couldn't stop going. Al-Anon was the medicine I needed to keep me from falling back down into that deep, dark pit where I had been living.

After a year I moved to California. I felt happy, as if I had my life in control, so I stopped attending meetings.

It took 13 more years to admit I had slipped back into the pit and needed help getting out again. I came back to Al-Anon. In many ways, the second time was much harder than the first, but I was lucky. My life had become so unmanageable that I forced myself to find a Sponsor right away. That was something I didn't do the first time I came to Al-Anon. Through my Sponsor's compassion, understanding and willingness to share her experiences with me, I have gained the courage to try Al-Anon again.

There are times when my Sponsor has literally taken my hand and walked beside me until my fear was gone. It is love such as this that has made the difference for me.

- Nancy F., California

Reprinted from The Forum magazine, February, 2004 Issue