FEELING THE GRIEF
Over the past year I have grown in some areas, thanks to working
the Al-Anon program. In other areas I am still struggling. One
of the things I learned this year was to give myself permission
again to feel my feelings of loss, pain, and grief.
The terrorist attack on September 11th brought back so many
familiar and frightening feelings for me. Several years ago my
husband died in a plane crash. It happened during a business
trip in the wintertime. His plane went down and was not found
until the following summer.
As the horror of events unfolded on September 11th, I relived
each emotion I felt years ago. After the first few days, I told
myself I was doing just fine. I focused my energies on praying
for the loved ones' families and my country. After a few weeks
of denial, I started to feel depressed. An overwhelming feeling
of sadness covered me like a gray cloud. I tried to talk myself
out of it by saying I had no right to feel that way, because so
many other people were suffering.
I expected comfort and understanding from my own family but I
didn't get what I expected. Finally on the anniversary of my
husband's death in November, I started to address what was going
on with me. After talking to my sponsor, praying, going to many
meetings, and listening to others share, I could hear the
lessons that this experience taught me.
First I followed the suggestion to read page two in the
Courage to Change book. I read it over and over until finally
the idea clicked. There was a place I could go to seek comfort,
understanding, and help--Al-Anon! It still amazes me how long it
takes me to realize what is right in front of my face. Even
though I had been coming to Al-Anon for quite a few years, I
learned it is okay to acknowledge my feelings.
So many years of living with active alcoholism taught me to
hide and deny whatever I felt. Al-Anon teaches me that my
feelings are just that--my feelings. I can experience them and
acknowledge them but I don't have to let them rule my life.
During times of grief and stress when the same feelings return,
I've learned there are positive things I can do. I can rely on
my Al-Anon friends to share their joy of living just for today,
which is contagious. I can reach out and share with others who
are hurting, too. I can write about my feelings, talk with my
sponsor, and I can seek out my Higher Power.
My heart goes out to all those who lost their loved ones on
September 11th or any other day. The only thing I know for sure
is it does get better, one day at a time.
- Kathy M., Oregon
Reprinted from
The Forum magazine,
May 2003 Issue |
